Husband and Wife Relationship 101: Collin & Stacey Outerbridge, Joseph Torres, Anna Markham

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Husband and Wife Relationship 101

Guests:Collin and Stacey Outerbridge, Joseph Torres, and Anna Markham

From the series:MWB Reaction (Day 2 of 2)

Air date:October 29, 2024

Collin:The longer you’re married, the more this is real: there isn’t always a ton to talk about; and sometimes, the stuff that you have to talk about is like kids, and groceries, and who’s picking up whom. The simplicity of holding a person’s hand, or snuggling up and watching a movie—all of those small touches remind both the person you’re with and you, me as the husband—“That’s my girl.”

Shelby: Welcome to FamilyLife Today where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I’m Shelby Abbott, and your hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson. You can find us at FamilyLifeToday.com.

Dave:This is FamilyLife Today.

Dave: So today’s going to be a lot of fun.

Ann: Today is a great day; because we are going to be addressing women/wives and our needs, as women, and how men can meet those needs.

Dave:Yeah, men, this is going to be a good day for you, too—I don’t know how—but it’s going to be a good day for us, husbands, as well. We got a couple of couples back in; you guys were with us yesterday. We got Joe and Anna Torres, who are not Torres’ yet; you’re going to be married—an engaged couple, madly in love—I noticed you’re holding hands in the studio.

Joseph: —madly in love.

Ann: And our other guests; they’ve been married 20—

Dave: No.

Ann: —they’ve been married 15 years.

Dave:Yeah, Collin and Stacey are back with us. What? You guys, I did not know you’re holding—are you holding hands because you saw them?

Collin:We’ve been holding hands for a while.

Ann: I noticed; I noticed it.

Joseph: There madly in love as well.

Dave:You know why they’re holding hands?

Ann: Nobody’s holding my hand, though.

Dave:You know why they’re holding hands? You better be watching on YouTube, because I just made a move. It’s interesting that we’re holding hands now, because it is sort of something we’re talking about today.

Ann: It is!

Dave:We have a podcast called Married with Benefits® with Brian Goins and with Shaunti Feldhahn. She’s an author; and they’ve been talking all season about her book, The Surprising Secrets of Highly Happy Couples. We talked about this yesterday, so I won’t give you all the details. But basically—

Ann: I will add: their podcast—this is Season Four that we’re talking about that Shaunti and Brian do every season together—but this one’s on that book, specifically. We’re talking about: is this Episode Three?

Dave:Episode Three. She [Shaunti] interviewed all these couples; and she says, “I’m going to find the best and most happy couples in the world; and then, study them and find out what they do.” She got eight surprising secrets—we started yesterday—one of the surprising secrets is little things in a marriage are really big. Yesterday was: “What are the little things that are big to a guy?”—called them “The Fantastic Five [for Him].” If you missed it, go back and listen.

Today—this is what Ann was saying—this is “The Fantastic Five for Women” or “…for Wives.”

Ann: —”The Fantastic Five.”

Dave: “What are the little things?”

Here’s what we’re going to do: we’re going to watch about 13 minutes of a clip of Brian and Shaunti talking about this; and then, I want to hear your guys’ thoughts. I think I already know, because they’re holding hands; and you’re going to find out that’s one of the top five for women. So let’s watch.

[Previous Married with Benefits Podcast]

Brian:So let’s talk about “The Fantastic Five for Him.”

Shaunti: All the women are like, “Okay, come on; it’s my time.”

Brian:It’s time; it’s time; okay. So takes her hand; just “To take her hand,”—

Shaunti: Yes.

Brian: —number one. Would this be considered the public displays of affection?

Shaunti: No, because—

Brian: How’s it different from that?

Shaunti: —there is, actually, another one that’s a public—you would say is a public display of affection. This is going to sound so 1950s, and I’m going to apologize in advance. But listen—I heard this hundreds of times, and it came out on the survey—so I’m just going to say it. There is something about—when you’re walking across a parking lot, or you’re walking into church, or whatever it is—and he reaches across, and he takes your hand/just walk, hand in hand; there’s something that almost feels like he’s saying, “You’re mine. I care for you. I’m protecting you. I’m sort of—

Brian:—”with you.”

Shaunti: —“I’m with you”; and of course, “I love you.”

And that feeling of being cared for is, I think, an incredibly under-recognized thing amongst men; because they do care for their wife. There’s all these ways that the average husband is trying really hard: you’re working 60 hours a week, or whatever; you’re trying to care for your wife; you care about her. All that’s great—but as we’ve talked about in other Seasons—sometimes, those things don’t feel caring, even though they are. And so this is a simple one that feels caring.

Brian:This one I do: “Leaves her a message by voicemail, email, or text her during the day, saying that he loves her, that he’s thinking about her.”

Shaunti: Yes.

Brian:That’s a big one: number two.

Shaunti: When we started doing focus groups for this particular book—and we had, obviously, done many, many interviews and surveys For Men Only, which is a study of Women Tell Men..—and we would ask; because the women would say things, like, “I just want him to show me that he cares; he’s thinking about me.” It’s like this little: “Okay, what would do that?”

“If you would just text me occasionally, to say…”—oh, give me an example—“If he just said, ‘Hey honey, I’m going to be home in a couple hours. It’s been a rough day. I can’t wait to see you later; I love you so much.’” I heard things, like, “I would screenshot that text message and look at it again.” We heard this over, and over, and over. We tested it on the survey; and son of a gun, for all the men out there to realize this little bitty thing has a huge impact.

Brian:And I would just say, “If you want a little cheat on this,”—because most guys aren’t thinking about their wives; they’re compartmentalized—

Shaunti: They’re busy!

Brian:Right, or they’re just doing something.

Shaunti: Yeah, compartmentalized.

Brian: Yes, they’re compartmentalized; so they’re working on whatever’s in front of them. “So put a reminder on your phone, and say, ‘Send a surprise text at 2:00 pm.’” She doesn’t need to know your trade secrets; she doesn’t need to know that, “Okay, at…”

Shaunti: Except now, they’re supposed to be listening to this together.

Brian:I know; but again,—

Shaunti: It still counts!

Brian:—they’ll forget.

Shaunti: It still counts.

Brian: They’ll forget; it counts.

Okay, this third one—our producer this week is Bruce, whom we love; he’s a great guy—and he said, “This is the one—I started reading Shanti’s book, just to get ready for this week of producing—and this is the one that I saw immediate results.” So Bruce, tell us about this one. This third one is: “Putting his arm around her, or putting his hand on her knee, or rubbing her back, or something like that.” So tell us about what happened this weekend.

Shaunti: —when you’re sitting in public.

Brian:Oh, when you’re sitting in public; yes.

Shaunti: I mean, it matters at home, too. Well, it matters both at home; and it matters in public.

Brian:That’s right. So tell us what happened.

Bruce:Yeah, so funny thing: I was reading your book on Saturday afternoon. We had friends over Saturday night for pizza and games. While we’re at the table, playing the game, I remembered this.

Shaunti: Good for you!

Bruce: I wouldn’t have if I hadn’t read this; but I just put my arm on her back, and just rubbed her back while we’re playing the game with friends there. So then, the friends go home. We’re cleaning up; and she goes, “You are just so sweet tonight.” And nothing else changed; I’m pretty sure I acted like I always do. But I think it painted the whole evening as if I was sweeter; or maybe, it’s because I did that, I was sweeter. I don’t know, but—

Shaunti: —either way—

Bruce:—immediately!

Shaunti: —bonus.

Bruce: I was like, “Wait! It worked.” It was crazy.

Shaunti: That’s awesome; I love that story, Bruce. Thanks for sharing that.

Brian:So [the first three are]:

“Taking her hand,”

“Leaving her a message,”

“Putting his arm around her/lays his hand on her knee, when sitting out in public in front of others,” which is a key.

And this fourth one: “Telling her, sincerely, ‘You are beautiful.’”

Shaunti: Yeah, it is fascinating how many women have told me something—like I was talking to this one woman, who was in actually a really difficult season of her relationship, and they had three kids—they didn’t want to split up, but it was just hard. She had no idea that I’d done any of this research; she didn’t know what I’d found. And this was maybe, I don’t know, two/three years ago. She said, “All I need is for him to listen to me, sometimes, and for him to tell me that I’m beautiful to him. That’s it; that’s all I need.”

I thought, “You know what? He probably has heard that from her, and he doesn’t believe it. He probably is: ‘It can’t be that simple; so I’ll just work more hours, and provide financially,’ or ’It can’t be that simple, so I’ll just make sure’—they were doing some DIY projects around the house—’I’ll just make sure I get all those done when I say they’ll be done.’”

And it’s like, “No, really/actually, she meant that; and statistically, she’s very common.”

Brian:Yeah; would you think this is equivalent to—for the guy—that latent insecurity of: “Is anyone noticing how good of a job I’m doing?” And so when I feel that—when Jen notices that or she points that out—I do feel different. Same thing for a woman with this one?

Shaunti: I think so; I think, for a woman. What we’ve quantified is that the insecurity for men is: “Am I any good at what I do?” The insecurity for women tends to be: “Am I lovable?” “Am I special?” and “Am I beautiful to him?” This sort of is, right there, in that same kind of category. I think most men just don’t know how much it matters. I think, also, men think it seems awkward to say it. I’ve heard from so many guys, are like, “It feels awkward”; and so make it your own. That may not be your—

Brian:—[deeper voice] “You are beautiful.”

Shaunti: Well, I’ll give you an example. I just wrote a blog about this recently, where I was talking to a woman, who her husband is one of those: “Come on; we’re late” for whatever kind of thing. He comes up to the room. Half of her wardrobe is strewn across the bed—she’s been trying all these things on; she’s sweating; she’s trying to figure out—she’s like, “I have nothing to wear!” He realized what was underneath that: he comes up behind her, and gives her a giant hug, and says, “You’re beautiful, honey.” And she was like, “I will go to the ends of the earth for this guy.”

Brian:I think about that, and showing that with your kids, like, “Wow, look at your mom,”—

Shaunti: Yes! I love that; oh, that’s good.

Brian:“Look at your…” And you don’t have to—in fact, it’s much better to do that in the home—than to be that guy on stage: “I’m dating a really hot wife,” or something like that, who’s just doing it to play the crowd.

Shaunti: Yeah, yes; no.

Brian:She needs to hear it privately—she needs to hear it in the confines of the home—she needs to hear it when it matters most. And again, probably doesn’t come naturally. I would’ve been that guy, been like, “It doesn’t matter what you put on; let’s just go!” And you just think about how that would’ve killed her soul in that moment; I’m not really speaking to the need.

Shaunti: And there are probably women, who are listening to this, who might bristle a little, like, “Are we turning a woman into an object?” Speaking, as a woman, I have a little bit of that: “I want to hear that, but should I want to hear that?”—right?

Brian: Yeah; because the world will say, “You should be fine on your own. You don’t need to tell—you don’t need to have somebody else—you don’t need to have a man affirm that in you.”

Shaunti: —“…affirm that”; yeah, exactly. And “It shouldn’t be about how you look”; and so for me, I kind of think, “Should I want this?” And the reality, though, is that: “Yeah; of course, all of us have these areas of insecurity that we need to work out on our own; we’re each responsible for them.” It’s up to a husband—yes, he’s questioning whether he’s able, it’s not his wife’s job to make him feel able—but we’ve been put in each other’s lives, and you can speak into that space of insecurity and build them up.

And this is kind of the same thing: “Okay, this is an area of insecurity; and man, it feels good to have the person, who knows you best and cares about you most, to speak into that space.”

Brian:I wish you hadn’t had this last one on here, because this is the one that I struggle with; well, probably I struggle with more so than the holding of the hand. And that is, when a guy pulls himself out of the funk—which is just that morose, moody—it’s amazing how us guys can kind of conform back into a moody teenager at times.

Shaunti: I’m glad you said that, not me.

Brian:So Shaunti, describe what you mean by “funk.” Is full-on depression? Because I’ve dealt with that; I’ve been diagnosed with that in the past. It is like, “When is a funk just a funk and not a depression?”

Shaunti: So let’s set aside that, sometimes, people are just going through sadness—like there may be a clinical thing—and there’s all sorts of elements to that that are beyond the scope of what we’re talking about here.

A funk is actually much more situational. A funk is he had a really, really hard day at work, and something went wrong. He’s been working on this one big deal; and then, he finds out that, “Oh, there’s a competing person at work who’s working on the exact same thing.” He might be cut out, and he is ruminating on it. He comes home, and he can’t get out of his mind that Steve is betraying him behind his back. He’s making dinner with his wife—and whatever—but he has the black cloud of doom hanging over his head. Whatever the issue is—everybody has those things—but there’s a black cloud of doom.

Brian:You’re just in a funk; you’re in a bad mood.

Shaunti: You’re in a bad mood.

There is something very, very insecure that happens in the hearts, statistically, of most women when their husband is in a bad mood. Often, that bad mood has nothing to do with them; but it feels like it does. And so when you feel like there is something going on, that your husband is not pleased, it brings up—one woman said—“I’m the strong accomplished woman, but all sorts of desperate feelings kind of rise up when I feel like my husband is displeased with me.” And it shouldn’t be that way, probably; but it is.

It was disproportionately powerful, when a husband would kind of shake it off, and go, “You know what? I’m going to disperse that little black cloud of doom, and I am going to sort of set that aside. I’m going to deal with that later, and I’m not going to let that affect how I’m acting around my wife, and my kids,”—or whatever. It is powerful.

Brian:Really?

Shaunti: Yeah, emotionally.

Brian:I think, for me, I kind of expect or want my wife to help me come out of that funk; or I want the situation to change; or I just want to escape the situation.

And what I hear you saying is: “No”; and it gives to another one that we’re going to talk about: “You need to start bossing your feelings around in that moment,” which is another secret that we’ll hit and come out of that. Again, not the same thing to do with depression. It’s more that we know it: we know when we’re in that funk.

Shaunti: I know. That’s the thing is I think, yeah, we can define it kind of—but everybody knows, to some degree, really when you’re in a bad mood—at least, I assume most people know when they’re in a bad mood.

Brian:So these “Fantastic Five”—statistically—you were showing that they just kept coming up, coming up, coming up.

Shaunti: Oh, my goodness, yes.

Brian: And so for the guy, for how he could show love for his wife:

“To take her hand.”

“To leave her a message by voicemail, email or text during the day, some surprise,” saying that he’s loving her; he’s thinking about her. Maybe, even go ahead and combine that with: “Hey, you’re hot today,” “You’re beautiful,” “I love it/love what you look like.”

“Putting his arm around her; or maybe, laying his hand on her knee, rubbing her back”—like Bruce said—”in public”—

Shaunti: Yeah,

Brian:—that’s the third one. Fourth one:

“Telling her, sincerely, ‘You’re beautiful.’”

Shaunti: Yes.

Brian: And then:

“Pulling himself out of his funk.”

[Studio]

Dave:I do have one question for the ladies. Two of the five are about physical touch—non-sexual affection, whether it’s holding hands, or putting your hand on her knee or around her shoulders—two out of five, and there’s only five. “Is it really that important?”

Stacey: Yes, yeah; I would definitely say.

Dave: “What is it?”

Stacey: I think it’s something about what she said—the sense of: “You’re mine.” There’s so many other people out there; but of all the people, “I choose you, and I’m going to protect you.” I think there’s something really, really powerful about the physical representation of grabbing my hand, or put me on the inside of the sidewalk when we’re walking on the street. Those little physical expressions of love and care, man, they mean the world to me.

Anna:And I think that, especially when they were talking about doing it in public, it’s like showing everybody around you that: “Oh, I love this girl,” “I care for this girl.” It helps me to feel very secure; because I know that other people, also, see his love and his care for me in that way.

Ann: It says, “I’m proud of you,” and that he loves me. For me, it’s like everything’s going on—but you intentionally touching my hand; your arm around my shoulder; whatever—it has that: “He thought of me just then.” And that feels really good.

What’s interesting to me is that this deeply pleased 82 percent of all women more than any of the others—that this was the biggest one; think about that—holding her hand. We talked about yesterday of how having a wife smile at a husband had such an impact, and that’s so easy just to smile. This one is just holding her hand. Does that surprise you guys?

Joseph: Oh, for sure. I think it’s like she was saying in the video: a lot of times, a lot of guys can think, “Well, if I’m providing, financially, and I’m doing all these things for her to get us in a better place, and more secure place.” I feel like guys think about that more.

Ann: —like that’s so loving.

Joseph: “Oh, wow; she must adore me. I’m doing so much to bring money in.” But then, if you just go home—and then, don’t really talk to her; don’t touch her, unless it’s sexually—then they’re not really feeling that love from you.

Collin:Yeah; I think the value here is friendship—there’s a sense—in holding your spouse’s hand, or making sure that you sit on the same side of the booth when you go to a restaurant.

Ann: Do you guys do that?

Collin: We’re that couple.

Ann: That is so cute! We don’t do that because I like to see his face. But you do that; so cute!

Collin:Stacey wants it, so that’s what happens. Yeah, I mean—and again, I think it’s to the person—right? Stacey’s communicated that that matters to her.

I think it is those small deposits and investments that, physically, remind the person that you’re with: that you choose them; that you value them; and that you care for them. Oftentimes, I mean, the longer you’re married, the more this is real. There isn’t always a ton to talk about. And sometimes, the stuff that you have to talk about is kids; and groceries; and “Who’s picking up whom?” and “Who’s taking care of this bill?” and “Did you pick up the mail?” Life can get so transactional—

Ann: —and mundane.

Collin:—and mundane. The simplicity of holding a person’s hand, or snuggling up and watching a movie—all of those small touches—remind both the person you’re with and you—me, as the husband—“That’s my girl. No matter what happens in the course of life, or how that business deal goes, or how things happen out in the workplace—at the end of the day—it’s me and her.” And there’s something really special about that.

Dave: Now, do you still do it when you don’t feel it?—you don’t feel love; you don’t really want to hold her hand—you do it anyway?

Joseph: In that moment, I feel like you’re choosing to love her; it’s not based on the feeling.

Ann: It’s a choice.

Joseph: So that she can feel that you care about her; you’re thinking about her—especially, throughout your day—choosing to do that, even though you don’t feel it is important.

Ann: Well, let me ask you: “Why don’t guys generally do it?”

Collin:I think it’s to each guy, but I think that the last point that Shaunti made about the funk.

Stacey: That’s a thing!

Collin:That is a very real thing. Oftentimes, the act of reaching over to grab Stacey’s hand, even when I don’t feel like it, it physically triggers something in me to remember the thing I’m stressing about, at the end of the day, is not as big as I’m making it out to be.

I would say I know this for Stacey—of the things that were mentioned today by Shaunti—if I am able to make the decision to be fully present; to be here now—that makes a world of a difference. And oftentimes, for me, the way that I’m wired, those physical cues are a reminder. She sometimes sticks her hand out and grabs mine; and it’s like, “Okay, that’s right. This is what this is about:—

Stacey: “We’re a team.”

Collin: —“We’re a team.”

And yes, I would say that: “Yeah, I am not great at, when I don’t feel like it, pushing through that.” But one of the great gifts that Stacey is to me is she knows, when I’m in that kind of funk, she can be aware of that. A simple—

Ann: And she doesn’t take it, personally.

Stacey: Most of the time.

Ann: Yeah, that’s a big piece; because I think, as wives, we can take it personally.

Dave:Well, why does the funk affect you so much?

Stacey: Well, I think it’s—

Dave:You all reacted, like boom!

Stacey: Yeah, yeah. I think about the funk—when he’s able to extend himself outside of it, it communicates such security to me; that it’s like, “Hey, baby, even in the midst of all of the craziness,”—things that are going on at work or in our family that, I mean, I know he’s carrying stress. But when he’s able to pull himself out of it, and see me, this other person on the other side, and say, “Hey, I know this stuff is going on; and it feels overwhelming and stressful. But at the end of the day,”—kind of like what he said—”we got each other; and if we got each other, it’s going to be okay.”

Collin:If we got each other, we’re good.

And I’ll say this: Stacey has helped me—might even use the word, “trained,” me over the last 15 years by doing simple things—like when I’m stressed, when we’re in the car and things are tense, we’re trying to get to the airport or trying to get to a task, she will oftentimes, be the first one to initiate by grabbing my hand or she’ll be the first one to initiate by putting her hand on my leg. I think those choices that she makes are really helpful catalysts to help me wake up; get out of my funk; and realize, “Okay, the most important thing is sitting next to me. It’s not what’s coming in front of me or what’s behind me.”

Ann: Dave, let me ask you—I think you’re really good at this—

Dave:Oh, oh!

Ann: No, you are really good at this—

Dave:—at what?—all five?

Ann: —at not staying in a funk. I think you used to be—when our church started, and there’s so much pressure and stress—but somewhere, along the line—and I will say: “If either of us walk in the door in that kind of mood, it permeates the entire home,” doesn’t it?

Joseph: It makes an environment.

Ann: Yes; and everybody feels it. I used to feel it in you, but you don’t do that so much anymore. And if I say anything, you’ll bounce out of it. How do you do that?

Dave: I don’t think I do. So I’m like, “What?!”

Ann: I think you do.

Dave: I think what Collin said earlier—it’s perspective: at the end of the day, you’re like, “I know this is important; this thing has got me tense—but at the end of the day—look: ‘I’ve got my woman here,’ ‘I’ve got my kids here,’ ‘I have a bed to sleep in tonight; I’m not thinking about where my next drink of water comes from,’”—like so much of the world. I think it’s perspective to come back, and say, “I have a partner, who’s a gift from God. I’m not going to ruin this day over this issue.” I know the issues are huge; and they’re big; and they’re real, but I think God’s calling us out of those, to say, “Open your eyes and see what I’ve given you and celebrate that.”

I didn’t realize how much that affected you women—of us coming out of our funk—that it makes you feel loved. I’m sort of shocked that, nowhere in her top five—and again, this isn’t Shaunti’s idea; this is what was found from real couples—nowhere in the top five is tender words; soft, caring words. Two of the five are physical, right? I mean, I’m not saying that’s not important—that’s important, but it—

Ann: —could be some women’s love language, for sure: words.

Dave:Yeah. But I would think, “Man, top five is going to be: ‘Please don’t be harsh’; that was one of ours. I would be harsh, and I didn’t mean to be; but my words were snappy, and she’s not feeling loved. And you’re like, “Man, when you’re tender, and your words are softer, I feel loved.” Is that true for women?

Stacey: Absolutely; I mean, I think words do matter. I think even in the note, where she said about telling me that “I’m beautiful,”—those words—they express such care. When she was telling that story, I was thinking of just a couple weeks ago—you [Anna] don’t have this yet; but it’s coming for you as you get older, and have more children, and stress—that wrinkles come.

Ann: You don’t have this yet.

Dave: I’m the only bald guy here.

Stacey: But as you get older, when you smile, you get these little lines. And I was in the bathroom, getting ready; and Collin and our oldest daughter were there. In front of our daughter, Collin goes, “I love those little lines right there when you smile.” And I was like, “Crow’s feet?!” He goes, “No, they’re just so beautiful. I love it when you smile.” And my daughter—he’s in front of my daughter—

Ann: What a gift to your daughter.

Stacey: —and she goes, “Yeah, Mom; you’re so beautiful.” Oh, he could have asked me for anything in that moment! But it’s tender words that speak life into me and speak life into our marriage.

Collin:And I would say this: it’s really hard to be harsh when you’re holding your beloved’s hands.

Ann: That’s what I was going to say.

Collin:It’s really hard to be harsh, when you’re rubbing her back and playing a card game. And I think so much of these things are interconnected—that our words and our physical actions—they’re two pedals on the same bike. I know this: it’s a lot easier to be harsh, and to be angry, and to take a negative tone when you have distance; and you’re disconnected, physically, from your spouse. It’s a lot harder to do that when you’re up close, and connected, and personal.

I see that in our life, as well. It’s really hard to have an argument when you’re, eye to eye, holding hands to allow that argument to get to a place of being harsh. And so, yeah, just super thankful that we get to learn from Shaunti’s wisdom and the wisdom of the research that these things are all connected.

Dave:Yeah; one last thought is: “Do you guys text? Do you send the note during the day?”

Joseph: Oh, yes!

Anna: Oh, yes.

Joseph: —throughout the day.

Dave: You do?!

Joseph: For sure.

Stacey: Yes, he’s so good about it. I don’t know if you have it in your calendar.

Collin:I don’t have it in my calendar. If I did, I don’t know if I’d let you know.

Ann: Even that one: “To put it in your calendar,” “To put it in your phone.”

Dave:Yes, guys, you want an application from today? That’s an easy one. I have a buddy, Rob, [whose wife] is Michelle, Ann’s best friend. He texts her what?—every day?

Ann: Oh, at least!

Dave:—every day, several times.

Ann: —several times a day.

Dave:And we, other husbands, are like, “Dude, please give us a break!”

Joseph: “Give us a break.”

Dave: All we keep hearing is: “I got another text from Rob today,” and then we’re like—

Ann: —”You’re so beautiful,” “You’re such a good wife and mom,” “I can’t wait to come home to you.”

Dave:But it means a lot.

Ann: Yeah, it means a ton to any woman/to any person, probably.

Dave:Yeah; and that’s one that you can listen to right now, and say, “Okay, I’m going to put a reminder on my phone,”—don’t even tell her—just put a reminder in there, and do it. Hold her hand.

Anyway—all I know is—when I heard this; I’m not very good at these. I’m sitting with two guys that are better than me at doing these—I feel like that—Ann’s not disagreeing.

Collin:I don’t know about that. I think you guys are a great standard and a legacy-making kind of marriage. So we’re grateful to be with you today.

Ann: Thanks, you guys, for everything.

Shelby: Well, hopefully, today’s episode, and yesterday’s as well, has given you some really practical steps to take to help you build up and encourage your wife or husband. I love when great advice applies, at street level; and today’s conversation certainly did.

I’m Shelby Abbott; and you’ve been listening to Dave and Ann Wilson, with a couple of really cool couples, on FamilyLife Today. Be sure to watch the complete Season Four of Married with Benefits. This episode, in particular, with Brian Goins and Shaunti Feldhahn is called “Highly-Happy Couples Know Less Is More.” You can find it wherever you get your podcasts or on YouTube. You’ll find the link in our show notes at FamilyLifeToday.com.

Here we are at the end of October; and the early part of November is coming up, and that means election time. And many of us are tired of the tension and division that exists, not only in our country, but at family gatherings; even around our own kitchen table; and certainly, on social media. So what do we do with things like Psalm 1:33 that tells us that it’s good for believers to live in unity with one another? How do we do that when we live in a culture that’s easily-offended and, quite frankly, just angry all the time?

Well, I’m excited to invite you to join us for a five-week video series that FamilyLife has put together with our friend—author and comedian—Amberly Neese. It’s called “Moving Toward Each Other in the Middle of a Divisive World.” In it, Amberly guides us through how to build peace in our own backyards when our differing thoughts, and opinions, and beliefs threatened to create division between us and other people. You can sign up for this five-week video series right now by going to the show notes and clicking on the link there. Or go to FamilyLife.com/FindingCommonGround. Again, you can find the resource in our show notes; or head over to FamilyLlife.com/FindingCommonGround.

Now, coming up tomorrow, author Don Everts knows what it’s like to feel disconnected in your own neighborhood; but he also knows why community is critically important. He’ll talk about that tomorrow with Dave and Ann Wilson. We hope you’ll join us. On behalf of the Wilsons, I’m Shelby Abbott. We’ll see you back next time for another edition of FamilyLife Today.

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